“We’re so bad at sex and then we wonder why women aren’t like, really aggressive about sex. We think it’s cause they don’t have as much desire as we do. That’s how stupid men are, that we think ‘they’re just weird, women are like fucked up in the head cause they don’t wanna just fuck all the time. If I was a women, I’d just fuck everybody. Why don’t they wanna fuck all the time? I do’. Of course you do, cause when you fuck, you get to fuck a woman! When she fucks, she has to fuck a guy! Wildly different experiences. For a man, 100% of the time, it’s the greatest thing that ever happened in his entire life. For a woman, about 40% of the time, when she’s being fucked by a guy, she’s thinking ‘I’ll get over this in a week. It’s not the worst thing. I’m not gonna cry this time’
“Another thing that proves how bad men are at sex is that after sex, you’re looking at two very different people. The man just wants to lay there, be cool and the woman wants to cuddle…’Why is she so NEEDY?’ She’s not needy you idiot, she’s horny, because you did nothing for her. YOU DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. HER PUSSY IS ON FIRE BECAUSE IT’S GONE UNFUCKED COMPLETELY. Of course you’re fine, you climbed on and went “KFHGSKG” and rolled off. And she’s on you because she’s like ‘WH-at SOMETHING ELSE HAS TO HAPPEN, THIS IS BULLSHIT!!” If you fuck a woman well, she will LEAVE YOU ALONE. ‘Thanks a lot buddy, zzzzz’”
Oh, Louis CK, advocate for the female orgasm. (via jamesfrancozpenis)
"Not enough for me? You are everything."
A woman who hates you is playing the pianoforte.
You have five hundred a year. From who? Five hundred what? No one knows. No one cares. You have it. It’s yours. Every year. All five hundred of it.
A charming man attempts to flirt with you. This is terrible.
You are in a garden, and you are astonished."
Don’t underestimate just how far flowers will go.
Ask me to dance. On the subway platform, at the bar, in our living room. Not because you can, or I can, but because who cares? Because that’s not the point. Because the last guy didn’t. Because you’d use any excuse to place the palm of your hand on the low of my back.Because we’re a little bit foolish you and I (and thank God for that).
Encourage me to write. I like myself better when I’m full of and on words—or in pursuit of them, at least.
I’m an introvert. I’ll need the occasional time and space to just be alone. Give me that.
Sometimes I eat tortilla chips in the shower. Or under the covers. Or barefoot in the kitchen before I’ve even poured my morning coffee. And I really like my morning coffee.
On hard days, when I’m feeling a little blue, I’ll get a latte just for the warmth between my hands. Let me.
Don’t ever ask me how a writer makes a living.
The sound of someone eating an apple is enough to drive me from the room.
Social graces only go so far; a person is nothing without empathy. We will raise children who know the difference.
Yeah, I want you to cut a fine silhouette in a tux, but I’m far more excited about the mettle of the man beneath.
I have no poker face.
Sometimes when I’m nervous I’ll get a little quiet, a little unfriendly, a little prickly. It means I like you. I know it doesn’t make any sense. To me either! Please forgive me these moments…it’s just that sometimes looking at you is like looking at the sun. Good and overwhelming and a little blinding.
I’ve been staring at the computer for an hour now, thinking on what else to write, but my mind keeps coming back to your penny-loafers and your sometimes-side-part and hell if I’m not sunk."
"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view… Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it."
Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird (via wordsnquotes)
"I wanted to be Scout. Scrappy, smart, and a little too wise for her own good, she may have been one of the first literary characters that made a real, lasting impression on me. The story was like none other I had ever read. Atticus, standing up for what is right, explaining what courage really is, and why it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird. Much, much later, when I read that Truman Capote was the inspiration for Dill and Nelle saw herself as Boo, rather than Scout, as I had always thought, the book opened up for me in even more ways, constantly surprising and delighting me."
“If you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? - Carpe - hear it? – Carpe, Carpe Diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary.”
"Don’t ever compliment me by insulting other women. That’s not a compliment, it’s a competition none of us agreed to."
"You’re not like other girls." Shut the fuck up. (via cutely-perverted)
"How about coffee, drinks, dinner, a movie; for as long as we both shall live?"
Joe Fox, (Tom Hanks) - You’ve Got Mail (via h-o-r-n-g-r-y)
I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t find Jon Hamm attractive.
"I choose you. And I’ll choose you, over and over and over. Without pause, without a doubt, in a heartbeat. I’ll keep choosing you."